Sometimes i'm really jealous of people who actually got to experience grade school, people joke about me missing grade school being a good thing but is it really? whenever my classmates talk about grade school they always say things like: "remember grade level when this person did so and so?" and then they will turn to me with an awkward smile and continue talking

Do I blame them? no not really, it's not their fault but do I wish that I got to experience things like that, talk to people about things like that, exist like that. I only went to school in kinder and then I skipped school because of our situation at home, I had no connection other than my childhood friends and other kids who lived in the barangay I did.
Everyday I wish that I could have memories from before grade 7, I want memories like that, I want people to think of me. so so bad but it just leaves me feeling alienated in the end

There's this endless sense of hopelessness in me whenever I'm going through a particularly bad spiral: this is my only shot at life and I missed out on my gradeschool days. My family call me lucky, my friends ask me how I was able to and wish they could've done that but I do not see the same amount of pride and envy they do, I do not see a good reason to miss out on school.

Years ago, before highschool I wondered: "what is next for me? will I die here in this home? forever bound to my parents will?" and I felt so, so hopeless. I was going through depression as well as a toxic friendship, so to me this was all there was for me. My home life also sucked but we're not gonna talk about that, like ever!!!

Well, atleast I can enjoy highschool at the very least... I have 4 years left till university so I'll try to make the most of it even if it's really hard, even if I might fall behind because well... I want to catch up. I want to recieve praise for my efforts so I will try, always so that I don't have to be jealous.

Really I've promised myself I'd spend little time on this (aka NOT GET SUCKED INTO IT) but unfortunately I HAVE BEEN SUCKED INTO IT. So sucked into it infact that I've neglected my own studies for it!!! I really fear I'm flunking my math exam, so perhaps I may be in trouble; hopefully not to be honest.(I totally am I missed 20 questions.)

Honestly I feel like I've ruined my sem break! I spent half of it inside and im 99% sure my semester break was half coding and the other half was just me goofing off on stick of truth or the fractured but whole, all I did this break was be on my computer!!! can you believe that...???

that is not at all why I'm writing this rant though, it is a matter of school stuff and quite frankly I'm pissed with my school for covering up the people having intercourse in our good bathrooms as doing "pda", I think it is dissapointing that this what we've come to; sometimes I barely feel like I'm in highschool and I feel like I'm in kinder with the way all my classmates act on serious topics.

am I just too empathetic or "cringe" to not find shit like kissing disgusting??? pda even??? pda makes me uncomfortable but the way my school head speaks of PDA makes you think sex is typically included with it, it is NOT.. bbut i guess i cannot be mad at her, if people were geeking it in my bathroom I'd be pissed too

and just in general with my classmates they act like kindergarteners with how they handle topics: stuff as kissing, privacy and all that crap, this guy in my class is so smart but genuinely lacks knowledge when it comes to stuff regarding publi decency; public decency is not creating a whole "court case" around stopping two peoples (who mind you, were just friends.) possible relationship with eachother in order to "prevent pda" or whatever the hell they were on about, smartest guy in class acting as if we're in 3rd grade where people being in relationships are still a big deal, so what??? we're highschoolers

what is it with my classmates using the n word too??? I know our teacher had a whole speech on the proper usage of words but repeatedly saying the n word is not funny—hell! even my own friends do it! (they know of this website so i'm a bit scared but haha we ball I doubt they really care for me much anyways...sometimes i think these people genuinely hate me um) sometimes I feel like the only mature person in my class and it is genuinely so stupid how are you all acting like 4th graders.

well enough of that heart rate spiking bullshit, I've decided until I finish every other aspect about this website I will not redo the blog page: This is because I am a lazy fuck. oopsies... though I do have a ton of ideas on what to do with the blog so I will probably use this as the end goal of the roadmap! then I can finally place it in my discord bio: I guess these blog posts are for you friends and neocities lurkers? maybe...

I didn't mean to talk so much so I'll write all about the website plans in the next one, for now goodbye I guess???

I never thought I'd try this to be honest with you! coding honestly looks super scary at first glance, I wanted to try last year on spacehey but was terrified of all the friend requests I was getting ... social media is called social media for a reason... after meeting a cool person on arfight with a site I've learnt alot about social media advice from them! so this year I've decided to go at it again with a fresh mind!

This quick briefing I got on my feed really helps, w3schools is too helpful I swear! is this how being an ai grok rider feels...? grok help! but with code i guess HAHA!!!

I have exams from the 21st onwards and I've chosen happinness for now...maybe I'll just cram exam review...its okay,

this really is nice though, I can do whatever I want and edit it to be whatever! no premium in my way...this is honestly super nice...(how do you end these...)